Sonspiration is a section of AuxCordFM for one-off pieces, special editorials, and everything in between that results from people feeling inspired by a song or album. Today, Lizzie Baumgartner shares a piece on keeping hopes high even when the future may seem uncertain.
The irrevocably chilly breeze blows through my bones while speed-walking down the busy streets of Chicago.
Hustling to pass the slower foot commuters on the way to my office building ends up being a mini work-out all on its own at a time of day that is far too early to say the very least. Dodging cars, the down-and-outer’s selling off-off-off indie papers in an attempt to create structure in their lives, and the strange smells which seem to permeate from the random places near food establishments are the antithesis of the city of wind and lights.
Looking at the high buildings staring down at me each adventure down here induces intense anxiety.
What will I become in the end? These industries are difficult, damning, and draining. Already I’ve taken two break periods to recover from the drama of the music business. Landing career in broadcasting is just as hard, and the industry is just as sexist, but it is significantly more difficult to excel. Even if you make it in the door, there is no guarantee you can rise through the ranks.
My transfer admission counselor in college didn’t tell me that when I confirmed my major nearly four years ago.
But it’s here, and it’s fun. Tiring, trying, and tearing at every human seam of my being in the best possible way.
Daily inspiration changes with the workload, or lack thereof. The teal jelly earbuds I rely on to block out the cat-calling and “EL” sounds blast calming trance tunes to horror-punk murder tales, to nostalgic and new emo. In the sad moments of second-guessing desperation, I pop on the popular, catchy single from Panic! At the Disco.
The uncritical, under-represented music goes un-played in moments of unfortunate questions. How un-punk.
Crooning into my ears about “high hopes” and the continuous edging of making it in life, specifically in music for Brendan Urie, hits the vital vessel within my vast being to shove myself further into the direction I have chosen. Harboring “high hopes for a living” indeed provides the fuel to us in these ever-evolving spheres that there is the small sliver of success available.
With this song blaring to only me, I am an optimistic-pessimistic fool yet again.
That isn’t always negative, though. Urie says he always had a vision in the song, and that is changing each day. Running around this vast, architectural city to attain that jeweled future of success creates an exhilarating sense of belonging in a cliquish, boys-club community. We remind ourselves that there are open possibilities if we engage in these particular societies, with our end-goals staring directly across from us.
Burning night lights brightens the end day.
The vanishing of emotions from the city skyline scares me back to a calm reality. For I know, that we all will feel this with each passing moment of existence. While terrifying, it is electric and creates a new fire for the passion that is possessed and played in our minds from the noon lunch rush; to the late nights up wondering if we’ll ever be able to say, “Hey look Ma, I made it.”
Same as in the AM, the calming cold breeze flows in and around me. Hardly anyone is in sight on these dimly lit streets. Gazing upwards towards the black night, I imagine a new day where I light up my wildest dreams before stepping into the artificially lit train station to take me home where I can rest and resurrect for all the possibilities yet to come.